Trump needs Maury to save him!

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In Canada, when someone appears on the scene who has a terrible hairdo, a big mouth, odd skin tone and a questionable IQ, there’s either two places for them. They can get a job at the local circus, or potentially wind up in the nuthouse. In the United States, however, such an individual can and has become the head honcho, grand poobah, and Chief of everything.  Yessiree,  the President!

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From a northern perspective, I’d say old Trump is in a lot of trouble right now.  Whenever someone gets close to finding out about him selling the Russians Trump Ice Water and the nuclear codes, he fires them. This strategy  might work on a distant planet where androids and humans are made in the same factory by the gazillions, but on good old planet Earth, he’s gonna run out of people to toss to the curb…..

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Not to mention the polls have him somewhere between being impeached, or tarred and feathered (I prefer the latter). Trump needs to clear his name, once and for all. I think the right way for him to do this, is to appear on National Television and take a lie-detector test. The question is which show should he grace with his presence? At first I thought Steve Wilkos would be a good fit, as they’re both bullies, but they’d be a total intellectual mismatch.  Although Trump has the IQ of a Water Buffalo with mad-cow disease on a good day, he’d look like a rocket scientist next to Wilkos, who reminds me of a moustache-less Dr. Phil with severe head trauma.

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In a case like this, Maury is the guy to call. In one segment of the show (you couldn’t devote the whole episode to him, it would be too yuge!), he could put the entire matter to rest. Guilty or innocent. Cause they wouldn’t be faking things on the Maury show, right? To be honest, right now I think any one of those idiotic talk shows have more credibility than President Bad-Hair does. So go for it, Donald! Take the lie detector test! Oh, and maybe a DNA test while you’re at it, I think Clyde the Orangutan might be your son….

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If you like to laugh, check out my book, “RECESSION PROOF’. It’s hilarious, Yugely entertaining, and cheap eh!

You can pick it up here for 99 cents, what a bargain! Thanks!

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Trump, Fake News and Great Books

I don’t know what to believe anymore. In reality, how could anyone know what to believe?Fake news,  conspiracies,  partnerships that do or don’t exist. It’s getting harder and harder to figure out. I’ve been watching some news this week, ever since the incidents in Syria made the headlines, but to be brutally honest, I have a hard time believing anything I see anymore, so as a rule, ‘the news’ is not on my to-do list.

How does one objectively figure out what’s going on over there anyway? The more I watch, the less I know. First, we were told that Assad was responsible for the chemical attack on his own people. Since then, I’ve heard that it also could’ve been the rebels who are fighting against him, ISIS or perhaps even Russia. I have no way of verifying any of this, who can? We’re all at the mercy of the news outlets,  who are owned by corporations, who could have any number of stakes or interests in this.

Then there’s President Corn-head. Mr. “Travel ban on Muslims, No Syrian Refugees for me.” How are we to take him seriously? Muslims were leaving such a bad taste in his mouth that he had no problem venting about them in public. Now he’s suddenly concerned and distraught over the gas attack in Muslim Syria, so he unloads a slew of missiles on Assad’s regime.  This puts him on bad ground with the Russians, but hey, wait a minute? Weren’t he and his cronies being investigated for their links to Russia? What a way to deflect that investigation.

I’ve always been fascinated by men like Dick Proenneke. I don’t know if any of you recall Mr. Proenneke, he’s the guy who sort of gave up on modern society and went to live in a cabin in Alaska in isolation and seclusion.  With the world becoming more confusing by the second, suddenly a life with no internet, television, radio and most importantly, politicians, is starting to sound pretty good.

Dick didn’t totally become a recluse. He opened his doors to visitors, he enjoyed writing, filming and reading good books. Really my kind of guy. I guess if the world is bringing you down, there’s nothing like a good read to put your mind in a nice place.  So here’s a couple of links for mine.  Please take a look, if you keep reading, I’ll keep writing. And what can you buy these days for 99 cents? Not even a cup of coffee, but maybe a conspiracy theory…

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After The Darkness

‘After The Darkness’ is my latest novel, due to be released this month. It is the story of a man who becomes disabled after committing a felony.  The injury causes him to give up on life, but a special horse helps him find his way back to happiness. I hope you all enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. Here’s a sample…

 Dylan reached out with the pistol and pushed the power button on the TV. The room lapsed into darkness as the picture went blank. Then he heard it, faint at first, but soon it was louder than before. The mare was whinnying from inside the barn, her pleas echoing off the steel walls of the structure.

  “Son of a bitch!” Dylan rolled his wheelchair to the door and shoved it open, “Shut up!”

  This time, the mare paid no heed at all. She continued on, her amplified calls struck him in the chest and echoed in his ears.

  “Suit yourself.” He pushed himself down the ramp and into the yard, “you must wanna die as bad as I do.”

  The mare kept it up, as if she were baiting him.

  Now angry and totally drunk, Dylan pushed hard on the wheels. The graveled yard was now a sea of mud and water. The chair would barely move. Cursing and straining, he slowly got through the mud and reached the gate.

  He reached for the latch. Then realized it was tied. In a serious knot. He struggled with it for a moment, but it was too tight. Unknown to him, earlier the mare had been lifting the latch and pushing against the gate, trying to escape, which made the knot impossible to undo. The only way to remove the rope would be with a knife.

  The mare whinnied again.  

  Dylan cursed, tried to wipe the rain water from his eyes, then shoved the gun into his belt. He grabbed the fence and hauled himself out of the chair. In slow motion, he tried to pull himself up and over. His hands slipped from the rain soaked plank, and he fell, down on the ground beside the chair. “Son of a bitch!”

  Mud covered him. Angrily, he rolled under the fence and began crawling towards the barn. Inch by inch, he pulled himself along, as the rain continued to batter him, the mud continued caking him all over.

  Gasping, he stopped, his energy all but gone. He looked up and saw the mare staring at him from just inside the barn. He rolled onto his side, and pulled out the gun. Breathing heavily, he aimed recklessly and fired again. The shot made a deafening roar as it echoed off of the barn wall. Once again, the mare whirled and retreated to the rear of the barn.

  He lay there, trying to catch his breath. Water continued to drench him, but the mare was silent. He tipped over onto his back, and let the rain stream down his face. He smiled.

  She whinnied again.

  “You bitch!” Dylan rolled back onto his stomach and began crawling, gun in hand. After several yards of painfully slow going, he had to stop. He had no energy left. He lowered his head down to the ground, closed his eyes and blacked out.

  Time passed. Dylan’s eyes opened. Now sober, he lifted his head slightly and stared straight ahead. The rain was still falling hard, but not on him. His gaze shifted slightly to the left, then to the right. What the fuck is that? Posts? He wiped some mud from his eyes and face, then it hit him like a hammer. Legs! The mare was standing over him, shielding him from the rain. Tears began running down his face. “Oh my god, I’m so sorry. I am so sorry.”

  The mare whinnied softly and widened her legs a bit, continuing her vigil. Dylan laid there for a little longer, sobbing quietly, then started the long journey back to his chair. As he drug himself forward, the mare took gentle steps, staying over him and keeping him dry. At long last he reached the fence, pulled himself under it, then hauled himself up and looked at her. “I’ll be back soon, I promise.”

I really hope you all enjoy it. In the meantime, you can purchase ‘the fix’ for a super-cheap price eh! Thank you all so very much!

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The Fix!

My apologies to all of you who follow my blog. I’m like the laziest blogger in existence. Truthfully, I’ve been terribly busy with other projects, but I am going to attempt to update my stuff on here as time permits. Recently I signed with a new publisher who has acquired ALL my printed titles and is releasing my new ones ( of course).  Here’s the link for my latest and greatest. Buy it, it’s some cheap eh!

I’ve also been working on “The Vision” movie script. By the time it hits the theatres, the vision22name may changed, and the story has morphed. It’s going to be amazing! I also have a television show in development with a National station which has been a very exciting process.  Not to mention I’ve written another book which will be available in a month or so. It is called ‘After the Darkness’.


I’d like to take this opportunity to thank you all for supporting me and other local artists. Without you, none of us could survive. I’m very fortunate to live in a place like New Brunswick where people are so generous and quick to help someone who is attempting to create art of many forms. You are the best!


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My name is Jason Lawson and


welcome to 2016. As some of you may have guessed by my last name, I am of Scottish ancestory. Factor in my mother was a Campbell, and you’ll understand my penchant for kilts and bagpipes.

On the Lawson side, we can trace our family tree almost back to when we were swinging in it.  It’s documented history that we were in Scotland for centuries. It’s also documented history that Scotland was persecuted by England for centuries. Mel Gibson’s portrayal of William Wallace in ‘Braveheart’ only gave us a tiny glimpse at the atrocities that were committed against the Scots.

England waged war on Scotland


for centuries. The Scots were beaten down, raped, murdered, massacred, tortured, imprisoned, hanged, butchered, etc.etc. But they kept fighting back with sticks, clubs, pitchforks and whatever they could lay their hands on, eventually driving England back once and for all.

Many of my ancestors (whom I never met) suffered and died during these terrible times. So I’ve decided I want to be compensated for what happened to them. It doesn’t matter that I wasn’t born, or even living on that continent. I still deserve to be paid for what happened to someone else. Don’t I?

Of course I don’t. But there are


many facets of modern society who think they deserve apologies and royalties for things that never happened to them personally. It’s kind of like suing the car driver that almost hit you. Didn’t actually make contact, but it was kinda close…

How are we supposed to make the
world a better place for future generations, when we can’t even take responsibility for ourselves? I don’t think we can until certain sectors of society give their heads a shake and gets over themselves. Happy New Year everyone…

Buy my books eh! All of ’em, twice. N thank you all so much!


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jlw4Let me start of by saying I am a very fortunate person. When I started out writing fiction afew years back, I needed help, lots of it! There were a few &%$#heads that were unapproachable, but most authors were more than happy to help me. Especially those in the WFNB ( Fast forward to  2015. I have 5 novels under my belt, two of which have been optioned for film, one of which is in development right now with Telefilm Canada.

Naturally, I get emails and messages through social media from writers who are just starting out and need help. I never refuse anyone. I remember how much assistance I received, and am glad to return the favor. Not to mention I don’t know everything (far from it) and still need help myself.

However, I routinely receive questions from people that either MAKE NO SENSE or jay 1have ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO DO WITH WRITING!  At first I just ignored the queries, but then I got to thinking. “These people need answers. Who cares if it isn’t answered properly? Politicians never answer questions correctly and they seem to be doing okay.” So here it is, a totally free advice column. Ask me a question and I’ll answer it. Just don’t expect it to actually help….

-Dear Jason, whenever I write I smoke a lot of cigarettes. This pisses off my mother-in-law who lives with us. She keeps telling me that they are bad for my heart and lungs. How can I stop her from nagging me?Serge.                                                                                                                                                     jay 3Hi  Serge.  The next time the old battle axe tells you smoking is bad for your heart and lungs, remind her that so is a rusty spike. Then laugh continuously for at least thirty seconds.  Leave titles of your work lying around where she can see them, like ‘murder for dummies’, ‘eliminating in-laws’, ‘and body-arson on a budget’. She’ll stop nagging and start packing.                                                                                                                                             -Dear Jason, Whenever I sit on my computer writing for long periods of time, I get sore wrists.  Do you think I have carpul tunel syndrome? Pauline.                                                   Hi Pauline.  First thing, stop sitting on the computer. You’ll bust it with your fat a$$, although I have no idea why this would make your wrists sore. Go to your family doctor and get this checked out. You might want to ask for a lobotomy while you are there.  Or a CT scan of your noggin at  least…                                                                                                                                                     -Hey Jason, I just cut down and put up my Christmas tree, now I’m itchy.  Could I be allergic to fir trees? Trevor.                                                                                              jay 4Hey Trevor, it’s possible I guess. Or if you got the tree  near an Irving Plantation you probably got a dose of Glyphosate. But don’t worry about it. It’s perfectly safe, and you’ll be the talk of the town when your cat grows a second head.

 Want a question answered? Contact me through the blog by leaving a comment, (they go to me before they get published) or  message me on social media.  I won’t use your last name, and probably won’t be any help whatsoever. But ya might get a laugh or two…

Buy all of my books eh! follow the link and buy em all twice! Thank you so much! my books

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December Blahs!

What’s great about December? Not much if you’re like me and think Christmas has ad2become a boring, money-sucking, waste of time. Asides from the pleasure I get from spending time with family and friends, this holiday is total bomb… It’s no wonder people get so depressed this time of year. Anyway, I won’t ramble on about it. Check out my archives and you’ll see why I really despise the Ho Ho Ho holiday.

I do enjoy winter though. This one hasn’t been great as far as the weather goes if you’re ac4into snowmobiling, snow-shoeing, skating, or pretty much any activity that requires some cold temperatures. Most days are drizzly, damp, and depressing. If the holiday mud and mire are getting you down, here’s a story that will perk you up. Just click on the link!

This year, if you must give ’em a gift, give ’em one that they can enjoy, cherish and keep until the end of time. That’s right, one of my books, or better yet, all of ’em! my booksHere’s a link that’ll put you in the right place. And thanks!


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This week was an amazing one for me. I received a creation grant from ARTSNB, a branch of the provincial government, to write my next novel. It’s humbling, as there are always more applicants than money to go around. With the financial assistance, I’ll be able to devote ALL of my time to write  the best story possible. And on that note, I’d truly like to thank all of you who have bought my books in the past, and who will buy them in the future. Without all of you, I wouldn’t be able to continue doing this. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.


It’s that time of year again. Where egg nog fueled, overstuffed, greedy Santas appear on every channel of the boob-tube, begging for us to part with our hard-earned money. I really shouldn’t be such a humbug, but as long as every poor kid out there thinks Santa only likes the wealthy, I’ll always be pissed.

Here’s link for my latest novel, ‘Frack Off’, which is in the running for a Leacock Award, our country’s national contest for literary humor. I am sooooo stoked!!frack-off/c1lfc

And here are links for my other books. Thanks for looking!


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Alright! After much pondering, puzzling and procrastinating, I’ve decided to run for bl3Premier of my province of New Brunswick.  By the looks of things, if I don’t take the reins of the joint pretty soon, nobody is going to want to ‘be in this place.’ There are a multitude of serious issues that are at the forefront of my decision to become your illustrious leader. I’m going to touch on a few of the most pressing and urgent.

1. Buses for everyone! That’s right, why just stop with separate buses for English and bl2French students. What about aboriginals and immigrants? Don’t they deserve to be segregated as well? I’m also thinking we should have buses for bullies, nerds, jocks and divas… Nobody will be left out.  A handy, long and wordy form will be sent by registered mail to every student in the province, allowing them to decide which bus they would like to ride on. Of course, there might not be any schools to send them to once we pay for all the extra buses. But that’s a minor detail.

2. All government jobs will be filled by employees who are multi-lingual. Want to be the bl5janitor in your local government garage? Guess what, you’re going to have to be fluent in English, French, Mi’kmaw, Mandarin, Spanish, Tagalog and German.  Why? Because, maybe once in the next thirty years someone might ask you for more toilet paper in a language a bilingual person may not understand.  So nobody’s going to be left out. Was gibt’s Neues? Kamusta? Je ne comprends pas. You’re fired!

3. It’s time to legalize marijuana. Why? Cause it looks like most of the elected officials in bl4this province are high on something. The rest of us might as well get in on it. Look at Colorado, their economy is booming, while ours is going down faster than slick water in a frack hole. So let’s all get stoned, eliminate our deficit, and act like our current Education Minister.  “Hey tete-carre, get off my autobus!”


4. Instead of just taking seniors’ money when they go to the nursing home, I say we seize bl1all their assets.  And I mean all.  Everything from their army medals, to their false teeth. It’ll all fetch money on the open market.  Then just when they’re nice and cozy, we’ll set them all on an ice flow in the Northumberland Strait. Why? Why not? The current government already opened the door.  I’m going to tear it right off the hinges.

So that’s my top priorities as Premier. Think they are stupid? Think about who you elected. Their idea of common sense is shafting our seniors, raising our taxes, and hiring more buses to segregate our kids while they lay off teachers.  Suddenly, I don’t look so insane…

Buy all of my books eh! Twice. Just click on the link and thanks.



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Buses, Bilingualism, Baloney….

bing2This morning I was interviewed by CBC about the ongoing drama in this bilingual province of ours.  French and English children are expected to grow up and live in the same communities, but God forbid you put them on the same bus.  Follow the link here and read all about it.

I think this would be a good time for Mr. Rouselle to rethink his career. Maybe take a walk in “la neige.” The Bloc Quebecois is always looking for new talent, I’m sure he’d fit in there nicely.

Support a local author and buy all of my books twice eh! And thanks!




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