ARTSNB, CHRISTMAS, KILL SANTA

This week was an amazing one for me. I received a creation grant from ARTSNB, a branch of the provincial government, to write my next novel. It’s humbling, as there are always more applicants than money to go around. With the financial assistance, I’ll be able to devote ALL of my time to write  the best story possible. And on that note, I’d truly like to thank all of you who have bought my books in the past, and who will buy them in the future. Without all of you, I wouldn’t be able to continue doing this. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

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It’s that time of year again. Where egg nog fueled, overstuffed, greedy Santas appear on every channel of the boob-tube, begging for us to part with our hard-earned money. I really shouldn’t be such a humbug, but as long as every poor kid out there thinks Santa only likes the wealthy, I’ll always be pissed. https://jasonlawsonrants.wordpress.com/2012/11/29/merry-christmas-bah-humbug-santas-a-jerk/

Here’s link for my latest novel, ‘Frack Off’, which is in the running for a Leacock Award, our country’s national contest for literary humor. I am sooooo stoked! http://www.deuxvoilierspublishing.com/#!frack-off/c1lfc

And here are links for my other books. Thanks for looking! http://www.amazon.ca/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=jason+lawson+&rh=i%3Aaps%2Ck%3Ajason+lawson+

 

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JASON FOR PREMIER!!!

Alright! After much pondering, puzzling and procrastinating, I’ve decided to run for bl3Premier of my province of New Brunswick.  By the looks of things, if I don’t take the reins of the joint pretty soon, nobody is going to want to ‘be in this place.’ There are a multitude of serious issues that are at the forefront of my decision to become your illustrious leader. I’m going to touch on a few of the most pressing and urgent.

1. Buses for everyone! That’s right, why just stop with separate buses for English and bl2French students. What about aboriginals and immigrants? Don’t they deserve to be segregated as well? I’m also thinking we should have buses for bullies, nerds, jocks and divas… Nobody will be left out.  A handy, long and wordy form will be sent by registered mail to every student in the province, allowing them to decide which bus they would like to ride on. Of course, there might not be any schools to send them to once we pay for all the extra buses. But that’s a minor detail.

2. All government jobs will be filled by employees who are multi-lingual. Want to be the bl5janitor in your local government garage? Guess what, you’re going to have to be fluent in English, French, Mi’kmaw, Mandarin, Spanish, Tagalog and German.  Why? Because, maybe once in the next thirty years someone might ask you for more toilet paper in a language a bilingual person may not understand.  So nobody’s going to be left out. Was gibt’s Neues? Kamusta? Je ne comprends pas. You’re fired!

3. It’s time to legalize marijuana. Why? Cause it looks like most of the elected officials in bl4this province are high on something. The rest of us might as well get in on it. Look at Colorado, their economy is booming, while ours is going down faster than slick water in a frack hole. So let’s all get stoned, eliminate our deficit, and act like our current Education Minister.  “Hey tete-carre, get off my autobus!”

 

4. Instead of just taking seniors’ money when they go to the nursing home, I say we seize bl1all their assets.  And I mean all.  Everything from their army medals, to their false teeth. It’ll all fetch money on the open market.  Then just when they’re nice and cozy, we’ll set them all on an ice flow in the Northumberland Strait. Why? Why not? The current government already opened the door.  I’m going to tear it right off the hinges.

So that’s my top priorities as Premier. Think they are stupid? Think about who you elected. Their idea of common sense is shafting our seniors, raising our taxes, and hiring more buses to segregate our kids while they lay off teachers.  Suddenly, I don’t look so insane…

Buy all of my books eh! Twice. Just click on the link and thanks. http://www.amazon.ca/s/ref=nb_sb_noss/190-3641448-8577040?url=search-alias%3Ddigital-text&field-keywords=jason%20lawson&sprefix=jason%2Cdigital-text

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Buses, Bilingualism, Baloney….

bing2This morning I was interviewed by CBC about the ongoing drama in this bilingual province of ours.  French and English children are expected to grow up and live in the same communities, but God forbid you put them on the same bus.  Follow the link here and read all about it.

http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/new-brunswick/kent-county-family-says-bilingual-school-buses-make-sense-1.3014487

I think this would be a good time for Mr. Rouselle to rethink his career. Maybe take a walk in “la neige.” The Bloc Quebecois is always looking for new talent, I’m sure he’d fit in there nicely.

Support a local author and buy all of my books twice eh! And thanks!

tnwpid-rum_runners1e600x912pxSAMPLE.jpgwpid-Vision.jpeghttp://www.amazon.ca/s/ref=nb_sb_noss/179-2492945-6532654?url=search-alias%3Ddigital-text&field-keywords=jason+lawson

 

 

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Racists, Bigots and Bilingualism

Well, well, well. The bilingual beast has reared its ugly head once again in New Brunswick. bing1Just when I thought things couldn’t get any more stupid around here, they did! Apparently it’s unconstitutional for English and French children to ride on the same school bus in this province. At a time when our education department is 500 million bucks in the hole, (that isn’t a misprint) Serge Rousselle, our bigot-elect, is planning on sending out more buses so that the kids won’t have to ride together. See the whole story here. http://www.nationalpost.com/m/wp/blog.html?b=news.nationalpost.com%2F2015%2F03%2F26%2Fn-b-education-minister-angry-after-learning-french-and-english-students-have-been-sharing-a-school-bus

He’s also planning on laying off teachers  to offset the department’s shortfall. Well, on bing2behalf of the entire province, let me be the first to tell you, Mr. Rousselle, you’re an idiot! What is point of having more buses, when there are going to be less teachers to send the students to? And what sort of message is this sending to our kids? French and English can’t travel together. Does that mean this generation will need two separate forms of public transit?

NDP MP Yvon Godin says, “It’s not a good idea, it’s not acceptable and the Francophones bing3will not accept it.” I guess he’s indicating the Acadian Mafia is alive and well. They won’t accept it? Will they accept the fact that this province is damn near bankrupt? This isn’t just a francophone issue, there’s plenty of blame to go around. It wasn’t that long ago that the COR party was here, trying to stamp on the rights of Francophones in the province.

That being said, It’s time to revisit the constitution. Various parts of bilingualism are not bing4working in this province. In a place with a small population that’s shrinking, we do not need two health care authorities to serve patients in both languages.  We do not need two separate school systems to have French and English schools. And we damn well don’t need more buses because of language issues! European countries where speaking two, three and even four languages is the norm, must think we’re some laughing stock. Well I’m not laughing. This is beyond insane. It’s unacceptable. Time for a change people!
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Check out my novel “the vision” and other books of mine on amazon, barnes and noble, kobo and smashwords. Thank you!

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Tips about tips?

Recently while in the USA, after dining in a restaurant, the bill was presented and the tip was included in the amount. I have a real problem with this.

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Why should the establishment be the one who decides what the amount should be? What if the service was horrible? Should you still pay it? I always leave a tip for a gracious host, but I think I should be the one who decides. Thoughts?

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Top 5 winter memes!

Are you sick of winter? Here in the good old maritimes, we’ve had enough of it.

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We’d wave the white flag to surrender, but no one would see it on account of the snow.

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If you are one of the lucky ones who can afford a trip down south this year, here’s a little advice: Don’t come back until July!

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Just finding your car can be a real problem. If you do locate it, don’t stop until you reach the airport.

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In reality, there’s not much you can do about it, so smile. Spring is just around the corner… or is it?

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Buy one of my books eh! Buy all of ’em! Twice!

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Mayweather Pacquiao Superfight is on!

Back in 2012, I ranted about those two chumps refusing to get together. https://jasonlawsonrants.wordpress.com/2012/03/15/manny-pacquiao-and-floyd-mayweather-champs-or-chumps/

Well, it’s finally happening. Better late than never I guess. Maybe the two of them were Mayweather-vs-Pacquiaoafraid that they might run out of money.  The latest estimates puts Floyd’s share of the purse at 100 million, and Manny’s at around 60. These are ridiculous numbers of course, but in my opinion it’s still better than hockey and baseball players who sign bloated contracts, then sit around if they don’t feel like playing at 100%. At least they gotta fight to get it.

Imagine if they donated half of their winnings to charity. I mean, it’s not like either one of thHA5TSOF5these guys needs the money, right? Christ, they could save a city. Maybe even a small country.  Regardless, if you are a boxing fan, this fight is sure elevating the sport’s profile. You can’t turn on any television station without seeing some news about this fight.  A big percentage of the world is hooked.

We like to think we are civilized.  That we are cultured. That we are kind, caring folks who have managed to distance ourselves from our blood-thirsty gladiatoresancestors. Ha! 2000 years ago, the Roman Coliseum was packed with spectators, watching their favorite gladiators kill one another. In 2015, us civilized, peace-loving new age folks are gonna tune in to this fight by the millions.  I know I will. Et tu, Brute?

Buy one of my books, no buy all of ’em. That’s right, buy ’em all twice!  And thank you!

tnwpid-Vision.jpegwpid-rum_runners1e600x912pxSAMPLE.jpghttp://www.amazon.com/The-Vision-Jason-Lawson/dp/0744321018

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An Election Parable for New Brunswick

A parable for all New Brunswickers.

Dick loved the forest and hunting. However, he could get lost walking to the neighbors. His ap2sense of direction was about as good as Stevie Wonder’s. So when his name got drawn in the moose lottery, he hired a guy called Paul, who claimed to be an excellent guide. Paul took Dick to a place where he said the moose hunting was excellent. But after trudging through the brush for an hour, Dick noticed the same tree that Paul had banged into earlier. They were going in circles. Dick mentioned this to Paul, who became angry and said to trust him, he knew what he was doing. After being lost for three days, they emerged from the forest tired, hungry and with no moose.

Four years later, Dick’s name got picked again. Still angry at Paul, Dick hired a woman bc3named Beth, who ran a guiding business on the other side of the county. Beth assured him that getting a moose would be no problem. As a matter of face, she all but guaranteed it, as she knew where there was a whole herd of them. Imagine Dick’s rage when they arrived at a farmer’s field that was full of angus cattle. Beth argued that since they were about the same color as moose, they had to be moose. And since she had more experience than him, it was ignorant of him to even question her judgement. Stupidly, Dick agreed and shot the biggest cow in the field. He spent the rest of the season behind bars, paid a hefty fine and didn’t have a single steak to show for it.

When Dick’s name was pulled for a third time, he told his wife that he was hiring Paul ap4again. She asked him if he was nuts. He assured her that things would be fine, and that Beth needed to be taught a lesson. His wife argued that there were lots of other good, reputable guides in the country, and that he should try one of them. Dick refused. He hired Paul and got lost in the brush again. When they emerged days later, exhausted, famished and mooseless, Dick blurted out angrily that next time he’d be hiring Beth. His wife had him promptly committed to the insane asylum.

Moral of the story. On election day, don’t be a Dick. Beth and Paul have had their chances, many of them. Don’t wind up in the insane asylum, vote for somebody new.

Get my latest book, “Frozen Blood”, just follow the link, and thanks eh!

tnhttps://www.smashwords.com/books/view/435975

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Premier Alward pulls out of the televised debate

Thank you, Premier Alward. Your

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decision to pull out of the televised debate just reaffirms what a complete moron you really are. I suppose having four opponents instead of two would be more than a person of limited intellect, like yourself, would be able to handle. At least this gives us New Brunswickers another reason not to vote for you.

All five parties have been registered in this province for quite some time. Just because two of them haven’t held any seats is no reason not to let them participate. A televised debate gives them the opportunity to attract voters. Not only is Mr. Alward being a spoil-sport, he’s being totally undemocratic. Probably at the insistance of JDI. Remember this on election day folks. Don’t support the moron…

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5 WAYS TO SOLVE OUR DEBT PROBLEMS!

We say that this province, and our country for that matter is a

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democracy, and that we live in a democratic society. But the truth is, the province of New Brunswick is more like a monarchy. Irving is king and they have several puppets to do their bidding for them. At the moment marionette  Alward is in control of the province, but he could be replaced but at any time by marionette Gallant.

As long as this idiotic system remains in effect, this province will

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continue to decline, both economically and and population-wise. A new party needs to be elected, and if and when that happens, our province needs a complete overhaul. I’m going to say things now that most politicians are afraid to, but I don’t care. They need to be said.

How to fix New Brunswick’s economy!
1. Get rid of our two hospital corporations. This has nothing to do with bilingualism. There are enough bilingual health care workers in the system for people to be served in their own language. My only complaint is that L’nu do not (Aboriginals). At a cost of tens of millions of dollars, having two health corporations in a province this size is ridiculous.
2. Give the crown lands back to the people. Allowing the province’s forests to be raped by a handful of corporations was a moronic idea. Under the current system, over half of the province’s mills have disappeared in just a few short decades. Many jobs have been lost. Who gained? A few corporate giants, and the crooked politicians that go along with this nonsense. Small businesses will flourish, creating jobs if they can have access to the crown.
3. Legalize marijuana. That’s an evil one, but wasting millions of dollars chasing and persecuting less than 10% of the offenders is quite insane. Grass is here to stay, instead of bancrupting ourselves over it, why don’t we profit from it? Remember prohibition? History is repeating itself once again. Wake up people!
4. Sub Contract. There are many sectors in our government that are run so poorly that it’s an embarrassment. If the heads of these departments looked at their operating costs, then put the same projects up for bids, they would be more than shocked at how much cheaper the private sector can do the same work. Millions saved annually, it’s a no brainer!
5. Sell Hydro. It’s no secret that the location of our province is perfect for exporting hydro to the USA. It’s also no secret that fossil fuels are going the way of the dodo bird. We have the geography, the technology and the manpower to develop wind, solar and tidal power. On a giant scale. Invest in these technologies and reap the benefits for decades to come.

These are just 5 ideas. There are so many others out there. We just need to kick the monarchy-style thinking, and the monarchy itself to the curb. It’s time, New Brunswick. Before we fall over the financial cliff that we are teetering on at this very instant.

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