Let me start of by saying I am a very fortunate person. When I started out writing fiction afew years back, I needed help, lots of it! There were a few &%$#heads that were unapproachable, but most authors were more than happy to help me. Especially those in the WFNB (www.wfnb.ca). Fast forward to 2015. I have 5 novels under my belt, two of which have been optioned for film, one of which is in development right now with Telefilm Canada.
Naturally, I get emails and messages through social media from writers who are just starting out and need help. I never refuse anyone. I remember how much assistance I received, and am glad to return the favor. Not to mention I don’t know everything (far from it) and still need help myself.
However, I routinely receive questions from people that either MAKE NO SENSE or have ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO DO WITH WRITING! At first I just ignored the queries, but then I got to thinking. “These people need answers. Who cares if it isn’t answered properly? Politicians never answer questions correctly and they seem to be doing okay.” So here it is, a totally free advice column. Ask me a question and I’ll answer it. Just don’t expect it to actually help….
-Dear Jason, whenever I write I smoke a lot of cigarettes. This pisses off my mother-in-law who lives with us. She keeps telling me that they are bad for my heart and lungs. How can I stop her from nagging me?Serge. Hi Serge. The next time the old battle axe tells you smoking is bad for your heart and lungs, remind her that so is a rusty spike. Then laugh continuously for at least thirty seconds. Leave titles of your work lying around where she can see them, like ‘murder for dummies’, ‘eliminating in-laws’, ‘and body-arson on a budget’. She’ll stop nagging and start packing. -Dear Jason, Whenever I sit on my computer writing for long periods of time, I get sore wrists. Do you think I have carpul tunel syndrome? Pauline. Hi Pauline. First thing, stop sitting on the computer. You’ll bust it with your fat a$$, although I have no idea why this would make your wrists sore. Go to your family doctor and get this checked out. You might want to ask for a lobotomy while you are there. Or a CT scan of your noggin at least… -Hey Jason, I just cut down and put up my Christmas tree, now I’m itchy. Could I be allergic to fir trees? Trevor. Hey Trevor, it’s possible I guess. Or if you got the tree near an Irving Plantation you probably got a dose of Glyphosate. But don’t worry about it. It’s perfectly safe, and you’ll be the talk of the town when your cat grows a second head.
Want a question answered? Contact me through the blog by leaving a comment, (they go to me before they get published) or message me on social media. I won’t use your last name, and probably won’t be any help whatsoever. But ya might get a laugh or two…
Buy all of my books eh! follow the link and buy em all twice! Thank you so much! http://www.amazon.ca/Frozen-Blood-Jason-Lawson-ebook/dp/B00K7UHBWI/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1450024196&sr=8-2&keywords=frozen+blood