Hunting Deer, Partridge and Republicans…

Yesterday I came across a couple of duck decoys in my travels. Since they were cheap, (like

me) I figured I’d buy ’em and nab me enough fowl to have duck a l’orange, Peking duck and maybe a few duck sandwiches. I smiled to myself all the way home, thinking of how easy it was going to be to send a whole slew of birds directly to my stew pot. All I needed to do was load the gun, take a seat and hope that I didn’t get a sore back from carrying them all home.

My troubles started this morning when I woke up and noticed the water in the creek next

to my house looked odd. By odd, I mean odd that it wasn’t water any more, now it was a sheet of ice. It had been years since I’d seen Stars On Ice, but if there were any ducks in the cast, I think I would’ve remembered. I had no more chance of getting a duck now, than Romney had yesterday of getting the White House. Since I had no intention of chopping a hole in the ice and waiting for some sort of arctic water fowl to show up, I had to switch to plan B.

There’s nothing like a frosty morning for hunting partridge. Or deer for that matter. Over

the years I’d been frustrated more than a few times by going hunting with bird shot and practically tripping over a deer, only to return the next day with buckshot and see enough partridge to start a bird sanctuary. It’s like they knew I couldn’t shoot them. So, being the genius that I am, I started collecting double barrel shotguns. This morning my plan was foolproof. I’d load one barrel with a slug, the other with bird shot. Two barrels, two triggers and two different loads. I was ready.

I headed into the brush, carefully picking my way along a woods road, hoping not to make

a lot of noise. After a kilometer or so, I decided to leave the main trail and head down a less used one. Big mistake. I rounded a turn and walked smack dab into a minefield of maple leaves. There was nowhere to go. Since I wasn’t about to turn around, I had no choice but to cross them. A few steps later and I imagined every wild creature in the same time zone as me running for their lives. An overturned Ringling Brothers’ truck carrying a load of African Elephants couldn’t have made much more noise.

Presently, I returned to the main road and took a seat, hoping

that the forest would eventually settle down. After a bit, I resumed my walk. As I rounded another turn, two partridge burst out of a bush. One flew across the road and disappeared, the other began sneaking away through the trees. I smiled to myself, this was going to be easy. As the bird appeared between two maples, I took aim and fired. Instead of keeling over, it sped up and disappeared. I couldn’t imagine why, until I realized I’d pulled the wrong trigger and fired a slug. I might as well have thrown my lunch at it. So much for a venison dinner. I imagine the decoys will be quite tough and bland. Maybe I’ll take them skating…

If you haven’t gotten a copy of “Jim Charles’ Gold’, follow the link and treat yourself to a great read for only 99 cents!

This entry was posted in angling, autumn, drugs, fishing, funny, hunting, jokes, politics, sex, trout fishing and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Hunting Deer, Partridge and Republicans…

  1. hogpredators says:

    This is a really great website, why not come on down to Georgia and you can hunt all of the feral hogs that you want and then we will show you how to fire roast and smoke them over some pecan wood for some of the best pork BBQ that you have ever had. Check out my hog hunting site at Wild hog hunting!

  2. Pingback: Partridge Fail, Deer Fail, just plain old fail….. | Telling it like it is

  3. allan hudson says:

    Might be better to stick with the writing.. 🙂

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