I don’t mean to insult anyone in today’s blog. Newfoundlanders are some of Canada’s nicest people. And they can take a joke as well as give one. If someone out there takes offence to these, well, what can I do? Don’t say you weren’t warned…
1. This is a joke my grandfather Everett used to tell. “Two newfie’s were in Toronto and decided to buy a car. A dealer showed them several units all which were priced too high. Finally the dealer looked at the two of them and said, “how much money do you have?”
“A hundred bucks.” said the first newfie.
“All I’ve got for a one hundred dollars is a donkey.” the salesman
The newfies bought the donkey and started riding it down the street. At a red light a man on the sidewalk yelled out, “Look at the two a$$holes on that donkey!” The newfies jumped off, lifted the donkey’s tail to see, and the donkey ran away.”
2.A Newfie told me this one…”How many cape-bretoners does it take to screw in a light bulb? Three, one to hold the bulb and two to drink until the room spins…”
3.”Newfie was serving overseas in the army. One day he got a letter
from home. After reading it, he ran out to the px, came back and
started handing out cigars to all his platoon mates.
“What are ya celebrating?” a cape bretoner asked.
“Me wife just had a baby boy.” Newfie said proudly.
“Newf,” the cape bretoner raised one eyebrow. “We’ve been over here for two years straight.”
“So what?” Newfie answered, “there’s two years between me and me brother.”
4. A man from Toronto was on vacation in St. John’s Newfoundland. Try as he may, he couldn’t cross a busy street as there was no crosswalk or streetlights. A newfie, seeing his plight, jumped out in traffic and stopped the cars and the two of them made it to the other side.
“That was amazing, thank you!” The torontian gushed.
“No problem bye.” newf answered.
“Don’t you have a problem here with pedestrians getting hit by cars?” the torontian asked.
“Nope.” newf answered.
“Did you know in downtown Toronto a man gets run over every four hours?” the torontian asked.
“Wow.” Newf scratched his head, “He must be one tough son of a bitch.”
5. Newfie was a big game hunter. His friends convinced him to go on
a kangaroo hunt, an animal that he’d never seen before. Soon he was in a jeep deep in the Austrailian outback.
“How am I going to recognize a kangaroo?” Newf asked his guide.
“Just get ready to shoot. When one jumps out I’ll tell you.”
Suddenly, a huge male kangaroo leaped out in front of the jeep.
“Not yet!” the guide yelled, flooring the jeep. “I’ll get alongside
him for a better shot!”
Soon they were going, 30 miles and hour, then 40, then 50!”
“Forget it!” Newf hollered, “We’re never going to get him!”
“Why not?” the guide yelled back.
“Cause that there kangaroo is going 50 miles an hour and he hasn’t put down his front feet yet!”
So there you have it. If you have some good ones to share, leave them here for us to enjoy. And if you love to laugh, get my book “recession proof” for the low low price of $5 bucks. Even the price is funny, it’s so cheap! just follow the link and thanks eh! @ www.amazon.com/dp/B006R6BDHU