If you all haven’t guessed by now, I come from quite a long line of
characters. People often ask me about my writing and my sarcastic sense of humour. The truth is, my family is every bit as silly as I am, but I’m the only one who writes stuff down. I guess being crazy really is inherited.
My Grandfather was good at playing tricks. He loved to tell a story about when he was young he worked with the threshing crew when they came to his farm. In the days before combines, the grain was brought in from the field to a machine called a thresher, which separated the oats or barley from the straw. One of the men working with him was quite excitable. Gramp told the fellow, who’s name was Mel, that he was a better man than him.
Mel didn’t take that too well. His job was to load the grain into the
thresher, and Gramp’s job was to pile the straw that came out of the other end. Mel started throwing in oats like there was no tomorrow. In minutes Gramp was unable to keep up, and the straw was up to his waist. But he kept yelling at Mel there wasn’t enough straw coming out. Thoroughly enraged, Mel went even faster. Soon the straw was up to Gramp’s neck, but he kept hollering “More grain Mel! What’s the hold up?” By this time the owner of the machine, who was bagging the oats, flipped his lid because he couldn’t keep up. He shut the machine off and gave Mel a tongue-lashing for working like a complete idiot. Gramp played innocent and laughed about it like there was no tomorrow.
My father Alan is probably the biggest prankster of all. I could write a book about the stunts he’s pulled over the years. One of my favorites was when he took it upon himself to do some political campaigning. A neighbor up the road was so liberal that if a duck was running for the grits he’d a voted for it. When he was gone to church my father drove on his lawn with his pickup, stood on the tailgate, and put a plywood conservative sign on his phone pole with six inch galvonized spikes.
When the man came home, he ran out onto the lawn and tried to get the sign down. But the spikes were so long, everytime he tried to pull one out the head would break off. Soon he was in such a frenzy other neighbors were afraid he was going to cut the pole down with a chainsaw. In the end he wound up beating the sign off with a sledgehammer. I’m pretty sure he wished he was walloping the person who put up the sign over the head.
Stay tuned for some more tricksters, namely my brother and sister…