Royal Shotgun Wedding

So we’re about to have a royal wedding.  Yahoo. Be still my beating heart. I haven’t been this excited since my dog went three rounds with a
welterweight porcupine.  As far as I’m concerned, a royal wedding is nothing more than a royal pain in the a$$…

I blame a lot of this on the old Queen herself.  Heaven forbid if the
prince and his girlfriend shacked up.  It wouldn’t look good on the
monarchy.  I guess it’s better if they have a multi million dollar
wedding for the whole world to see, then have a very public divorce when they find out they’re both too spoiled to put up with each other.

Not like the rest of ’em have a much better track record.  Charles
(seen here checking if his head is still attached) didn’t fare very well with a public marriage.  Neither did his brother Prince Andrew.  A lot of British money sure went up in smoke getting those two to the alter. What a waste.

I really wouldn’t care about this if there wasn’t a Canadian connection.  These simpletons cost us a lot of money.  Their residence in Ontario costs millions a year to upkeep and they rarely ever use it.  Toss in the fact that we have to pay a small fortune whenever they do come to visit and you’ve got my attention. Maybe if they were actually doing something productive I wouldn’t feel this way, but choosing which crumpet to eat is probably the toughest decision the queen ever has to make.

If the British public wants them, that’s great.  But I think here in
Canada we should be able to cut the strings.  There are a lot better
places for my tax dollars to be spent than on people who are so flush with cash they make Fort Knox look like a money mart. As a matter of fact, if I had the chance I’d tell that old royal knob she owes us and instead of living it up on our buck the next time she’s in our neck ofthe woods, maybe she should get out and volunteer.  She’d probably need a royal translator to find out what volunteer means…

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